Clapton

As a follow-up to the other day...I went to the Aqua Resort Club (kinda redundant huh?) and shared my lie with the Front Manager whom I had interviewed with. Once she understood what I was saying she laughed at me and told me not to worry about it. Nothing else I said mattered to her, she just kept going letting me know that it was ok and that someone would call me soon, which they did. Unfortunately, I haven't caught the call coming in and my return calls always end up in messages, so I'm not sure what the result is yet...

I read a great book yesterday, and I want to recommend it to any and all of ya'll. It's called Peter and the Starcatchers, and is co-authored by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearce. It is the story of Peter Pan, before he became Peter Pan-basically a prequel...great for kids and grown folk.

I also was reading some more of Eric Clapton's autobiography, which was developing slowly, not nearly as easy to read as Steve Martin's autobiography, which was quite entertaining, when I came to a paragraph that slapped me in the face.

“I left the club with June, who instantly became my one of my best friends. We did not become lovers, however; I really enjoyed her company as a friend and didn’t want to spoil it. I’m pretty sure she wanted to go down that road but at that point I hadn’t figured out that it was possible to fancy a girl and also be friends with her. Sex was still a matter of conquest rather than the result of a loving relationship. The idea simply never occurred to me that you could have an intelligent conversation with a girl and then sleep with her.”

I am not going to go into details about any specific person or relationship. This is not so true in my life recently as it was a part of my belief for years. The conquest of sexual relations was the precise thing that caused dissatisfaction-aka as the grass is greener on the other side-and kept me searching and running. Even writing this I realize that this is a belief that has many layers underneath it, ideas of my value and how deserving I am of happiness, so this is by no means a root or core belief. Some of you may be saying, "Duh!" but as I keep re-learning...there's a big difference between the mind grasping and accepting an idea, and the heart/soul part of me understanding that same thing. So the question I asked myself after reading this a few times:

How do I turn off the urge to conquer?