Monday, September 8, 2008

Having Left This World...

Baha'i Prayer for the Dead
(If it is for a man, then substitute son, him and his when saying it)

"O my God! This is Thy servant, and the daughter of Thy servant who hath believed in Thee and in Thy signs, and set her face towards Thee, wholly detached from all else except Thee. Thou art, verily, of those who show mercy the most merciful.
Deal with her, O Thou Who forgivest the sins of men and concealeth their faults, as beseemeth the heaven of Thy bounty and the ocean of Thy grace. Grant her admission within the precincts of Thy transcendent mercy that was before the foundation of earth and heaven. There is no God but Thee, the Ever-Forgiving, the Most Generous.

Then repeat six times the greeting 'Allah-u-Abha',
and then repeat nineteen times each of the following verses.
We all, verily, worship God.

We all, verily, bow down before God.

We all, verily, are devoted unto God.

We all, verily, give praise unto God.

We all, verily, yield thanks unto God.

We all, verily, are patient in God.


two more endings
one drawn out too long
another cut much too short
added to the earlier story
of an expected passing
that was surprisingly unexpected
in threes he comes
but it is simple statistics
the longer you live
the more lives you will bear witness to
as they come to a halt
and while some are planning weddings
and some are birthing children
others spend their time mourning
and wiping tears from their cheeks
as they try to find ways to say goodbye
to someone that has already gone
a small comfort it can sometimes be
when my soul swells with remembrance
and I realize that they are not gone forever
but living on in every one I see

Friday, September 5, 2008

Literary Privacy

I was reading a book by Chuck Klosterman. Chuck is quite a much as any of us. I could relater to Chuck because the majority of the thoughts that he wrote about revolved around the way he perceived everyone else perceiving him. Perfect.
Perfectly selfish and egotistical. If I had the same experiences as Chuck, I could have wrote that book.

In his book her does a lot of writing about his relationships with women. It struck me, that I too could do the same thing, although I haven't yet. Its not that I would have a lot of women to write about, its that I could spend pages dissecting what I think that they were thinking in any given situation. Some of my worst moments in the past few years have been when I actually vocalized these dissections to the women in my life. I have definitely learned that a little censorship of my internal voices is a good thing. But...

Once a little time has passed...can I share my thoughts then? What if I change names? Situations? Who will know? What about my future wife? Can I write about her? Us? When will it be okay? Chuck didn't necessarily wait--he just wrote about what he was doesn't always have to be damaging. But the one thing he noted that makes me cringe, both because I know it to be my own tendency as well as knowing how much it angers me when I experience it...

Is the fact that often time the things that I can make into cohesive thoughts on paper-with my words-are things I don't know how to say out loud.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


I have a housemate...
which is actually quite nice...
it is a completely different situation than the last time I had one.
and I really enjoy sitting around and talking with her.
and this morning
she asked me if I was okay a few times before she left the house.
I couldn't figure out why at first
She even checked up on me later via email
with a funny telegram style message-stop-
that personified her sarcastic, humorous nature
and betrayed the deep caring that she hides underneath it

what am i talking about???

she was right to worry-
I feel a little shell-shocked
and I can only imagine what it feels like right now
to be the person who I am worried about
as he goes through his own range of emotions
and grief
and loss
but I, and everyone else in his life,
although I shouldn't speak for them-
I don't care-I will anyhow.
you see, we all love him so much,
and we want to be there for him,
and we want to share our love with him,
and we want to see him happy
and free
and I really find it hard
to watch him try to get there by himself
but it reminds me of rock climbing
when you are the belay
you can often see the path the climber needs to take
the next hold...
but when you are pressed against the rock face
and your fingers are slipping
and your toes are cramping
and you can't see the next crevice,
Where do you get the courage to just reach out?