Tuesday, September 2, 2008

desperation

I have a housemate...
which is actually quite nice...
it is a completely different situation than the last time I had one.
and I really enjoy sitting around and talking with her.
and this morning
she asked me if I was okay a few times before she left the house.
I couldn't figure out why at first
She even checked up on me later via email
with a funny telegram style message-stop-
that personified her sarcastic, humorous nature
and betrayed the deep caring that she hides underneath it

what am i talking about???

she was right to worry-
I feel a little shell-shocked
and I can only imagine what it feels like right now
to be the person who I am worried about
as he goes through his own range of emotions
and grief
and loss
but I, and everyone else in his life,
although I shouldn't speak for them-
I don't care-I will anyhow.
you see, we all love him so much,
and we want to be there for him,
and we want to share our love with him,
and we want to see him happy
and free
and I really find it hard
to watch him try to get there by himself
but it reminds me of rock climbing
when you are the belay
you can often see the path the climber needs to take
the next hold...
but when you are pressed against the rock face
and your fingers are slipping
and your toes are cramping
and you can't see the next crevice,
Where do you get the courage to just reach out?

2 comments:

sonya said...

sigh... where indeed. i could write an essay for you, but right now it'd be completely hypocritical.

Paryssa said...

Or if you are this cognizant of the situation, you just do. you make the decision and do it.

love you Rio. and your process. really