Da Lat, Vietnam

Traveling again, this time on a plane preparing for take-off on a return flight to Ho Chi Minh city.

Da Lat was beautiful and cheesy and cool and sweltering; filled with waterfalls and flowers and coffee plantations and traffic - but not as much traffic as Saigon.

Our host was Huan and his family: his mother and father; his brother and sister and their spouses. The first night we stayed around the corner at his uncle's hotel since Juan's home was full. We found out later that it was a pretty common occurrence, and some travelers stayed at the hotel their entire stay, since it meant a private bathroom and avoiding the late-night partying!

Our bus deposited us at the station in Da Lat around 10 pm, and after our shuttle driver took us to the wrong hostel and a little help from locals, we ended up at Huan's about 45 minutes later. He got us settled in the hotel and confirmed that we'd be joining him and some of his friends for the Easy Rider tour the next day. He also let us know that breakfast was served at his house every morning as part of our stay.

The only other notable thing that night was Randi realizing she'd lost her wallet somewhere between the taxi and our room, and me realizing I'd lost a stone that I was carrying as well. Oh well.

The morning brought her wallet returned by the groundskeeper who found it outside. I don't know if he found my stone too, but I hope someone did, although it was very modest in appearance and its possible that it was just chucked aside. We walked over to Huan's and met his mother and sister-in-law; Chang spoke English and ushered us into the kitchen while she finished cleaning our rooms, and the mother carried on a conversation with us in Vietnamese as she made our scrambled eggs and French bread with local strawberry jam. Not a word of English from her, but she didn't seem deterred by that one bit, and she still managed to communicate to Randi that she had a toothache from a broken molar and that it was very painful.

Soon we began to meet the other travelers staying there: three kiwis; and two Israeli couples were all that showed up for breakfast, although there were allusions to a late night of partying. We were shown to one of the seven guest rooms in the house, a bare but spacious upstairs room with a door to the balcony over the front yard. We dropped our bags and sunscreened up for our motorcycle tour then headed out front to meet our tour guides. There ended up being six of us going, and I got lucky enough to ride pillion on Huan's bike so I was up front for almost the entire day. He also spoke excellent English and kept up a steady conversation even while on the road.

Sights we visited: greenhouses full of flowers, a major cash crop in Da Lat (or money tree as Huan called them); a factory making rice noodles (lots and lots of flies!); coffee plantation where we sampled the weasel poop coffee; a couple waterfalls with a swim session at one; lots of riding on both paved and unpaved roads (sore butts) through the city, countryside, hills and minority people's villages.

We were invited to help cook dinner each each night after Chang did her shopping at the market for that night's meal. We used everything we bought for that meal and didn't have leftovers; since the fridge was mini-sized it barely had room for the beer that the guests were constantly filling it with! Randi and I did some market shopping one afternoon and this is what we got: 1 pineapple,1 watermelon (smaller), 4 carrots (big), red grapes (1 kilo), & 1.5 liter bottle of 7 up and cold water. The grapes and 7 up cost about $1.25 while the rest was each less than 1 USD. Wow. Another interesting observation: both Dasani  (CocaCola) and Aquafina (Pepsi) sell water here and the cheapest that I have bought it was 1.5 liters for 15,0000 Vietnamese dong approximately 75 cents. Profits.

Our second tour was pretty "Eh", just the standard in-town tourist sights on a van with others being herded from place to place. The guide would tell the mostly Vietnamese group his spiel first, then gave it to us, a Thai couple, a Frenchman and a Chinese businessman. We saw some Buddhist and Christian buildings, a few other cheesy sights, and a too fancy for our tastes restaurant at lunch. Incidentally this overly fancy eatery was the first place where I had someone argue with me about the correct change. Our waitress had it wrong and it took a few minutes to convince her to give me the rest of my change.

Looking over this I realize that it's just an accounting of events, rather than any real insights. At least to the reader. But when I read it, now and hopefully later on, it will remind me of moments and thoughts and conceptions that will bring these days back to life for me. Right now, in this moment, I am learning how to open to the unknown and let go of my judgments and trust that I will be taken care of.

Vietnam - Day 2

The digital clock in front of me reads 6:50. I gave up trying to read about 10 minutes before we took our half hour rest stop, so I guess about 6? It was already getting too dark to read. Fortunately for us, the bus is equped with multi-colored lighting along the upper walls, and bluish-purple lights in parallel tracks over my center seat. And by seat I mean upper-level reclining sleeper thingy. Only my recliner back is broken, so I don't sit up. I just lay back and chill. Our best guess is another two to four hours of travel til we reach Da Lat coming from Ho Chi Minh City.

I look over at Randi, "Have we not even been here 48 hours yet?" Already knowing the answer but unable to believe my own math. Maybe its from the insanity of the traffic. Or all the walking we did yesterday. Maybe the countless times we've already said no thank you to hawkers and xe om drivers and shop owners. Even after 1 a.m. the street in front of our hotel was packed with people eating and drinking and selling and soliciting.

We have been bombarded since walking out the doors of the Saigon airport into a steamy throng of people hanging over barricades and waiting to greet somebody. That was just before midnight on Tuesday, and after a 20 minute taxi ride to the backpackers area of district 1 where Randi had reserved us a room we collapsed onto the bed. I say "the bed" because a double room does not mean two beds-it means one double bed. Regardless, at that point the clocks around us said 12:30 am, but all of our friends and family back in the states were just getting ready to eat lunch on Tuesday, since Vietnam is 11 hours ahead of EST. I have no idea how much I actually slept on the plane(s), though I managed to close my eyes on each of them I doubt I ever was asleep for more than 90 minutes.

Neither of us was tired though, so after a check in on Facebook we headed out to the street for some reconnaissance. We were looking for a place to grab something to drink. And I was hungry. And we were just looking. Looking at everything. Because its all so new and amazing. Traveling makes me look around in awe at how the most ordinary daily activities are performed, from collecting trash on the roadside to buying and transporting flat screen TVs. We made it to our room by 2 and maybe we were asleep by 3...but it wasn't sound sleep. And we were awake again by 8, our body's internal clocks still confused and uncertain as to what was going on.

We began our first day in Vietnam slowly, each taking a shower in our bathroom that I really meant to take a picture of. Since I have no picture I'll do my best to describe it. Removable sprayer mounted at shower height on the wall, just a few feet from the toilet. This means you can clean your body, your toilet and the entire bathroom much more easily. Love it. So after our showers and getting dressed for 90+ degree weather we set out our travel mats and did some yoga. Randi let me lead her through some asana, with only a few modifications necessary for her considering she has hurt her hand pretty badly. Oh yeah, how did I get this far without mentioning that when I look over at her she's generally holding her left wrist up slightly with a brace on it! She's using a soft one she picked up in the Tokyo airport while we do yoga, but of course as I write this she has a sturdier one on that the doctors in HCMC gave her after they x-rayed it and told her its fractured. But we didn't know that yet on our first morning as we practiced yoga and then did a short meditation before heading down to breakfast. By this time it was 10 and we decided to stay another night and explore some more without having to worry about our bags or checking out by noon.

We walked a lot that first day. We went to a clinic and for $37 got x-rays and a fancy brace for Randi's hand. She fractured her pinky metacarpal when her bag slipped off her shoulder boarding the plane in Chicago and the strap snagged just her little finger. We took lots of videos of the traffic as we rode around in the taxis, and even a couple while walking across the street, but the craziest stuff seemed to happen when no phone was out to record it, and the videos I made just didn't do justice to the absolute insanity that passes for driving around in Ho Chi Minh City. We visited a museum and then the post office, where after half an hour of attempting get some items packaged and mailed, I realized it would be simpler to cut up the debit cards that I accidentally brought with me and get new ones when I come home.

We shopped the market and got lost and got "massaged" by the blind (Randi said she mostly got pinched and I got petrissaged roughly and we both got lots of tapotement - less than $3 for an hour though) and we were acosted by university students who wanted to practice their English. We finished the night by watching the owner of a guest house across the street beat up a drunk/high white man who seemed intent on adding to the bruises he already had on his face. She was just pushing him away until he bucked up and tried to punch her in the face, then two younger (and much shorter) guys got him down one ground while she broke a plastic chair over his back, Triple H style. Cops eventually arrived and he was sent stumbling away with his shirt torn nearly off his body, the mess was cleaned up and everyone went back to drinking and chatting. After another young Vietnamese began using me for English practice, I decided it was time to head back to the room.

We tried to plan but never really got anything concrete together and ended up drifting off to sleep in the early morning again. Which apparently wasn't soon enough for our bodies, because they conspired to keep us asleep until a phone call from reception asked if we could be sure to check out by noon. I said yes. Maybe I went back to sleep? Then it was noon:30 and we were rushing to pack and get out of the room. After some apologies and settling our room fee - 2 people/2 nights for $40 - they pointed us towards a good pho stand and we shouldered our bags and headed out into the mid-day chaos.

Glad I didn't take a shower after about five minutes of being out on the street, we found our way to a bus station after our noodles and bought two $9 tickets for a 5-9 hour ride on a giant horn-honking machine into the hills of south-central Vietnam. The 50 minute flight only cost $45, but we were too late to get one and we'll be back in HCMC next week with Buds to Blossoms so it was time to go. We are the only two foreigners on the bus, so they just make all the announcements in Vietnamese and ignore us. Good night!

Tears at the store after hours

Once again it is after midnight and

the sound of pop songs turned up as loud as the laptop will play them

fills the space that I sit in as I glance out the window and

play silly brain games with trains

I cry for my marriage and the wife that is gone

I cry for my mistakes and the stubborn refusals

I sing along to a song and my voice cracks and wavers

Until another song means I'm crying for you now

So much love and awareness and awakening to my heart

because of the patience and beauty and caring you showed me

My friend

my lover

I want to distract and dodge this pain

Why must it be both at once?

Pop Song Torture

I only know I love her when I let her go -- and I let her go

Whatever it is its just sitting there laughing at me -- and I just want to scream -- What Now -- I just can't figure it out
I spend every hour just going through the motions I can't even get the emotions to come out Dry as a bone but I just want to shout What Now

All of me loves all of you all your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections give your all to me I'll give my all to you Your my end and my beginning even when I lose I'm winning -- How many times do I have to tell you even when you're crying you're beautiful too

Say something I'm giving up on you And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you Anywhere I would've followed you Say something I'm giving up on you  -- And I will swallow my pride You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye

Kiss me hard before you go Summertime sadness I just wanted you to know Baby you're the best

I've loved and I've lost -- I know you've been hurt by someone else I can tell by the way that you carry yourself

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded That for me it isn't over Never mind I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you two Don't forget me I beg I'll remember you say Sometimes it lasts in love But sometimes it hurts instead

You've been havin real bad dreams You used to lie so close to me There's nothing more than empty sheets between our love -- Just give me a reason just a little bits enough Just a second we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again

Not really sure how to feel about it something in the way you move Makes me feel I can't live without you It takes me all the way I want you to stay

It's like screaming and no one can hear You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing No one will ever understand how much it hurts You feel hopeless like nothing can save you And when its over and its gone you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back so that you could have the good

Goodbye in photographs

I said goodbye to you

Goodbye to each picture

Each moment from the story that we shared

Although we each wrote our own version

Goodbye to you on the beach of Rarotonga at sunset in your blue tee shirt

Goodbye to us standing underneath the lanterns in the square at Chiang Mai

On a beautiful day we climbed One Tree Hill in Auckland

And I remember thinking how beautiful you were as I snapped pictures

In Jordan we journeyed to some city at the top of a mountain to look west towards Jerusalem

(I think it started with a K) and we took pictures on a windy day

You had on your hoodie and I wore the pink sunglasses you got in Thailand

And how blessed I felt as I took a picture of you in Akka from up on the sea wall -- Goodbye

On the boulders at the beach in (Raglan?) you stopped following me as I jumped down lower

And again I found you in your striped hoodie with sunglasses on...

Together we posed at Moeraki Boulders out in the surf and that picture is gone

Like the photo of you singing with Hami and Saia -- I can tell that we are gonna be friends

Kneeling in front of a golden buddha in Chiang Mai

No more will our legs touch like they did

It took forever to burn all of these pictures

And I may have forgotten some because they seemed to never end

And the last picture was us coming out of the restaurant in our wedding clothes

Holding hands and looking young and joyful

Married but an hour or two

Goodbye to that as well

I want to love me

It doesn't feel like I should still be awake at 430 in the morning
i have so much jabber playing through my mind
how does it get to be so overwhelming like this
unending like the waves upon the beach at garapan

it is totally ok that you feel the way that you do
it is ok that you told me about it
some of the things that you said to me were no doubt true
and yet I choose to not have that type of judgment and energy thrust upon me

I am damaged right now, or maybe always
I will mend and that break will be stronger than the surrounding tissues
I will stand and fold and lay and breathe and move through this
and through that and all that comes up
when I try and open a little it feels as if an unending torrent of emotion will burst forth
tears flowing without cessation until my eyes are dry and reddened
all the tissues gone, the pillow case crusty with snot
and the sound of the creek continuous in my ears

I make it about me as best I can because I know its true
yet with the reading of a sentence it suddenly becomes about you
inconsiderate and uncaring I have somehow made you less
out of the tens of friends and family who follow I get to hear only one negative
a reaction so strong it blasts into me as I try to see your side
because you ask me and I would anyway or at least try

My needs are valid
as are yours
it appears they are not compatible
or I am ready to run
maybe just to walk alone
Either way my heart swells and my throat closes and my back aches so badly at the site of my injury at the back of my heart where breath catches and pain arcs through my shoulders
My arm goes numb and my fingers and thumbs crack and peel and bleed
I have made a life of defining myself by you
Not even knowing what it means to love me

Our Indiegogo Campaign for Regear

Emotional Sobriety

This is a talk given by a man who is no longer alive. His name was Tom Brady, Jr., and he identified himself as an alcoholic. Often times at twelve step program conventions there are speakers who tell their life stories, with the purpose of maybe allowing someone else to identify and relate to them.

This talk, although including some details of Mr. Brady's life, is more about something that many people beyond only those who feel they are alcoholics can relate to. He titles it, 'Emotional Sobriety', and it is almost entirely directed at symptoms, behaviors and beliefs that manifested in his life after he quit drinking!

I recommend it as an amazing listen, regardless of your personal inclinations towards addiction--if you have ever felt that you were emotionally out-of-whack, then download this file and listen to Mr. Brady talk to us.

Tom Brady, Jr. on Emotional Sobriety

Seattle Hip Hop

Have you ever been there?

It is beautiful-at least that was my experience-during the Memorial Day weekend I spent there in 2007. I fell in love. The view, the vibe, the layout of the city over gentle hills...wow!

At the time, my friend mentioned a show I had just missed for a group called Common Market. The two members of the group are both Baha'is, and my interest was piqued. Some time later I purchased Tobacco Road, and later their Winter's End EP.

Brasso by Common Market


So if you know anything about Northwest rap, you would assume that I naturally connected the dots and checked out Blue Scholars, a hip hop duo that features one-half of Common Market: Sabzi.

But no. I didn't. Ever. In fact, it took my recent resurgent interest in less 'pop'-ular music, along with these next guys to get me around to Blue Scholars. And my brother. He helped too.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis put out an album. Then they re-released it with remixes and some bonus tracks. Free. I stumbled across the remix of Otherside. Listened to it, liked it, and it got forgotten in the influx of new music I was processing. Another day, I stumbled across another mp3, and this time I saw a picture of the guys. Intriguing. And slightly ridiculous. Also, quite hip. Too hip for me. Seriously, I only wish I could pull off a look like that. Okay, blah blah, get to the point... I loved the Vs. EP. It's a free download here...or you can pick up the re-release, The Vs. Redux at iTunes. Redux includes all the originals plus remixes and a bonus track. It's only $6...support these guys!!! $6 for some dope hip hop?!?! Check out Macklemore's blog for videos for their songs submitted by fans; my favorite is Stay at Home Dad. Ryan Lewis has some other projects going on too - his website is here.

Vipassana by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis


Okay, so I was listening to the above song, and then I was like, "WHOA! Did he just say Baha'u'llah?!" Rewind...yes he did. Check it out for yourself.

Below, Life is Cinema continues a trend that I picked up on in Otherside and Irish Celebration-this dude is recovering. Or recovered. But the song below has a line I wish I had come up with...it just is such an accurate description of the insanity...

Selfish, Selfish, Selfish, Yeah, Me, Yeah, Me, Yeah;
Girlfriend, Break up, New one, One-night stand, Cheat, Cheat, Repeat that;
Drug use, Clean up, Drug use, Drug use, Clean up, Drug use, Rehab;
%$@# you I suck dude, Self loathing, Self esteem, Ego than Me again

Life is Cinema by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis


Their group just dropped a new song this week as well, titled Wings. Go check it out as Macklemore paints a correlation between consumerism and...well, you'll see. Also you can support their efforts to make a video through kickstarter.org and the song is available for download off of Macklemore's blog (link up above somewhere).

Since I am just getting to know Blue Scholars, I won't post anything of theirs yet. Although I did just listen to a song with KRS-One, Talib Kweli and Geologic (the other half of the group) titled 'Oh Really'...

I know there is more SEA hip hop out there...the Grynch popped kept poppin' up, but I haven't listened to him yet. Can't hand it all to you...I leave you with the video for Macklemore's track...White Privilege.

Eric & Magill

I have found a plethora of free music on the internet. It started with the free songs Amazon offered me on their site, and I gradually have expanded my searches. Labels put out entire albums of free material-samplers-to give bands exposure. But a lot of the samplers I downloaded were filled with junk. So I began to believe that ALL free albums were junk.

So when I came across 'All That I Know', I was skeptical. An entire album for free? I listened to the title song, and liked it, but still wasn't sure. But I downloaded it anyhow, planning on listening to it a little later. Fast forward a couple weeks, and their songs started popping up in my iPods shuffled songs. I really dig a couple of these songs-when I am in the mood for some laid back music that is. So give 'em a listen.

Grandpa's Pink Wine by Eric & Magill



You can download their entire album here at their bandcamp site. (Ryan...bandcamp is another awesome site you are going to love!)

Favorite New Song...OR...His name is Rio and he dances blah blah blah

photo by Erick Duque

First a little disclaimer...this is a really good song. Really good. You have to give it a listen. Please.

Yes it is my name. But that's NOT why it is my new favorite song. Really. Just give it a listen. You'll see...

Rio by Hey Marseilles


Now...was I telling the truth? That has to be one of the most infectious jams I have gotten a hold of in quite a while. Hey Marseilles is quite the band, a 7 piece group to be exact. You can check them out at their website or you can watch the video on YouTube...here!

This is a recent video they shot on tour...its an acoustic version of the song...DON"T watch this without listening to the studio version also!!


Since this post has started off rather decidedly self-obsessed, I figure why quit now?! Here is the original Rio in song; sung to me repeatedly throughout my life upon introducing myself to someone. I never even knew what people were talking about...somehow I missed ever hearing this Duran Duran hit. I blame my mom for not letting me near MTV when we visited my cousins. So I was a freshman in college before I ever heard this song "played". If you really want some '80s hilarity, go find the music video for this song!
Rio by Duran Duran


From here on I just did some digging and found a little of this and some of that. Lots of Latin and Spanish music/influence goes with this name, as you would expect. Also a good bit of electronic, and of course, a Brazilian funk/jazz/something band from the late 70s...Banda Black Rio. Check out their video.

Rio by The Salvadors

Southern Australian band...from Adelaide to be exact. Their single Atacama Disco was what was getting all the attention so check it out too.

Rio Mescalito by Thunderball

These guys popped up during the "rio" search. I am just going to give you the link to the RCRD LBL blog, where you can read a short write-up, and also get the link to the remix by Mexicans With Guns. Click Here


picture by gabriellasouza

Vidigal by Banda Black Rio


They are still a group, of course not the same as in the 70s...they have a websitetoo!

Bom Dia Rio (Posto 6) by Bossacucanova


I really dig the blog that I found this on...hErE.

Heartless by Rio En Medio


A women. A voice. Listen and see what you think.

Lastly, go to Rio Blanco's MySpace page and have a listen to his song Wild Doves. I would share the song directly but I deleted my MySpace account earlier this year, so you're on your own.

photo byErick Duque

That's all the Rio music for today....BUT WAIT! My actual name isn't (technically) even Rio...sooooooooo I looked up my real name, and found what I was looking for...

Delores O'Riordan--lead singer of the Cranberries--her last name is my first name! I thought I would leave you with a song by her, than I realized that we all know those songs, so I will leave you with a link, to a blog where you can play a song by Passion Pit COVERING her band and their hit 'Dreams'.

My Newest Music

It's been a while eh? Right now I want to write, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it...or a lot of other things either. I am excited about sharing some of the music I have been discovering...not so much new music but just new to me.

Ashley and I have been living in a home since late August, and one of our roommates was named Tyrie. His sister had already described him to me as "obsessed with his music" and I was all like "Oh yeah I like music a lot too." She just shook her head and let me know that he really took his music seriously. Anyhow, the first time I spent a little time with him was in the car heading down the mountain. I didn't know anything that he was listening to. Then I drove his truck one day and the mix CD he had in the stereo blew me away. I ripped it, and harassed him for more of his music. Some nights I would get home and he would still be awake late into the morning, reading music blogs and downloading new stuff.

A clarification here...music blogs and downloading songs in the manner I am going to offer isn't the same as massive file sharing or piracy. Many artists have accepted and embraced the internet as a means for getting their work out there. I am not going to put entire albums up, but just songs that I like. If you do too, support the artists. If an artist wants any of these removed I will do so immediately upon them contacting me.

Anyways, I finally jumped into the music blogging world a couple weeks ago. In two days I had over 300 new songs and artists to listen to. When Tyrie left for Florida, he gave me a bunch more stuff that has broadened my mind even more. It reminds me that once upon a time I wasn't so in to the mainstream/pop/radio listen to what everybody else is stuff. I've vacillated back and forth with my musical tastes, and a lot of this stuff is new and exciting to me. I hope it will be for you too.

(I won't assume everyone knows this...listen to it on the player, right click on the link and select 'save link as')

Older Brother by Pepper Rabbit


This was the first truly new artist I came across. Everything prior to this was searching for stuff about bands I already knew or music others had given us. I haven't done much reading/research on any of these groups, so I am only going to tell you a little about each one. I liked this instantly.

Sunrise by Yeasayer


Yeasayer was the first band that I really loved the sound of on Tyrie's mix cd. This is a song from their album 'All Hour Cymbals'...awesome. A note here--credit is also due to a great friend of Ashley's Jaden McTaggart, who works with her at Earth Fare. Right around the same time I got my hands on the mix cd, Jaden ripped the new Yeasayer album, 'Madder Red', for Ashley. He has since made her an amazing mix cd as well, which gave me lots more material to search for. Jaden has confessed to also being afflicted with late-night music blog reader syndrome...hopefully he will get the recovery he so desperately needs!

The Vowels Pt. 2 by Why?


This song came right after the Yeasayer song on the mix cd, and for a while, I thought THIS was Yeasayer. It's not. But its Awesome. Cheerio.

Looking For Alien Love by YelaWolf


I hadn't heard of him until I got Big Boi's newest album where he guests on a track. At first listen I thought "He reminds me of Eminem" and then I got a hold of another song...there may be a lot of his stuff that I want nothing to do with, I dunno cuz I just downloaded his mixtape from this year...but this one I like.

That is all the room for this post...I have some more coming. Love YA'LL!

Flowing River Massage

Go HERE to get directions to my office.

I Know, I Know!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Current mood: good
Category: Blogging

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation." --Herbert Spencer
Reprinted in the Second Appendix of Alcoholics Anonymous

How often have I said
"I know!"
usually interrupting another who is trying to pass on some sort of learning to me.

When I look at this statement,
I realize that what I am really saying varies
but it could be
"I don't care"
"You bore me"
"You (and your opinions) are not important to me"
"You go to hell! You go to hell and you DIE!"
okay not that last one so much
[btw you have to do that last one in Eric Cartman's voice]
when i say "i know"
i cease to listen to the experience
coming from outside of myself
since we are most definitely our smartest somewhere
between ages 15 and 18
we are likely to use this statement quite a bit
and deprive ourselves of all types of useful knowledge
but if you are like me,
and you carried this "i know"
from a much earlier age,
and then matured at about the same rate
as a sea tortoise,
you may still be dealing with the "i know"
phenomenon in your late 20s
what to do?
just stop it.
catch it when it's coming out.
it sounds like this at first
"i kno..."
followed by
"i kn..."
or something like that, you get the picture
eliminate it from your vocabulary
just some thoughts

The greatest block to learning new things
are the things we already know.

don’t go to bed...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Current mood: ashamed
Category: Life

with unresolved anger
and relationship frustrations
and listen to the little voice
that says
"this is NOT a good idea"
because it will save a lot
of unnecessary heart ache
down the road

ummm

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

laughing geckos
speak in the silence of the night
calling from room to room in this darkened house

air moves slowly
with just a hint of a breeze
that does little to cool the overheated skin
which has begun to peel from it's first sunburn
of this year

ants march in file
all around the house
as they scale all obstacles
in search of their prey

the night is calm
for the moment
the dogs are quiet
and all the cats are resting

but my mind cannot rest.
its unending questioning
accomplishes naught except for sleeplessness
but no answer presents itself
no solution appears

what is my problem?
maybe i should ask that first
so that i recognize the response when it is uttered

there is a plane leaving this island
thursdaay afternoon
the question--simply put--
is will i be on it?

Uncertainty

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

yes i want some validation.
someone to tell me that i am making the right choice.
expectations surround me stealthily,
infiltrating my camp like a bunch of damn ninja.
can i stay here and make a difference?
of course. the question is more like
where can't i make difference.
how do i help-
how do i teach-
making a difference is all i ever wanted.
but my dream is so much bigger than one person at a time,
one person CAN make a difference
i know that;
and yet, i am so unsure and
uncertain
that my next step might send me plummeting
to an early end.
how did i get to this point again?
asking-what do i want to do with my life
for the seventeenth million time
how can some people know?
do you know?
what you want to do with your life.
are you certain?

A Mixed-Breed Apple

Monday, April 14, 2008

a poem by Rumi
Current mood: enthralled

A little mixed-breed apple,
half red, half yellow,
tells this story.

A lover and beloved get seperated.
Their being apart was one thing,
but they have opposite responses.

The lover feels pain and grows pale.
The beloved flushes and feels proud.

I am a thorn next to my master's rose.
We seem to be two, but we are not.

i do

Monday, October 29, 2007

all of my being is made up of my life
my experiences
things learned through my own actions
and more recently, things learned from others
and my experience gives me a small bit of insight
a little understanding
into the thoughts and actions of you
but only if I have been through the same struggle
of course
although our individual experiences can differ
our lives ARE the same struggle
as we search for meaning
for happiness
and especially for love
sometimes I think that I know exactly where you are
but I am NOT you
and I cannot read minds
and my main responsibility
first and foremost

is to take care of myself
so that I can be of use to you
and others

because there was a time when I was useless
and I don't ever want to go back to that

Hamstring Blog

Monday, October 29, 2007

hamstring

I had forgotten what it feels like when your insides explode with an unbelievable pain
with a sharp, wrenching of muscle and sinew that blots out all your senses
so that nothing matters except that feeling, at that moment
i was reminded of this yesterday, when
despite my best attempts to remain limber
I stepped onto the pitch
and felt my entire thigh seize up when I took my first running step
and I faltered, but I knew that I could shake it off
and I tried to move quickly again
and I was shocked by my bodies refusal to do so
and I grimaced, and reached back and put my hand on my hamstring
and asked "why"
to no one in particular
but the third time that I tried to force my legs into a run made it clear
that no matter how much I wanted it
it was not going to happen my way at that moment

and how often is that the story of my life
no matter HOW bad I try to force things to go along with my wishes
there are times when that is
just
not
possible
it was a brutal reminder of an unbelievable pain that I have felt before
it's good to never forget my pains

lest i forget their lessons

Comment from a friend:
also, it means you're getting older and starting to fall apart ;)