Tuesday, June 10, 2008


I am delving deeper into the science of healing and it's varying modalities. I am re-examining some self-awakening techniques that I have known about for awhile, but that I haven't practiced lately. I can see outlines and patterns of my behaviors and the ensuing discomfort that is produced, usually as a result of not following that little voice's direction.

That little voice that I have always heard. Even in some of my more depraved states, when I had muddied my mind and body with chemicals and alcohol, I would be shocked by clear statements that seemed to originate inside of me, despite my intoxication. Sometimes, I tried to shut that voice up, because I did not want to hear it. Other times I just ignored it. More often lately, I will listen to it on certain matters, but rationalize my way out of following it's directions on others.

It has been telling me that I was going to travel for years. It has told me that I have to spread the Word of God-as I understand him-and to share that with others who will listen. It has repeatedly told me to spend time alone with myself. It told me in a huge way last year that I no longer had to be afraid of God in the way that I had been for my entire life. Everything it has spoken of in the past, I can see now as beneficial to me; I could even see it at the time, but I just wasn't ready for all of it at the time.

I can admit now that I am not willing to cease certain behaviors...that I want to wallow in "whatever" a little while longer. I hope that this is just a step along the way to being able to follow my spirit's suggestions in a more timely manner.

1 comment:

Justin said...

I think that little voice is our king inside. The one who gives orders to our warrior self, congratulates him for his successes, and admonishes him for his failures. My struggle is in the practice of listening to that king. I'm a warrior by nature (I think) - I like to do, and often times I'm doing just to be doing, without real purpose, without direction from the king. That's very wasteful and I appear guilty before the king regularly.

My hope is to check in with the king once a day (bring myself to account), get my orders for the day and do them. Rinse and repeat. Well, and my king voice seems to need to be heard more regularly than once a day, maybe it's not a daily ritual, but a steady state of willingness to listen when the king is ready to talk. Or maybe it's both.

It's so easy to just go and do, we're praised so much for doing and praised so little for stopping to listen. Hmmm... how to overcome that temptation and stand before the king. Thoughts?

- Justin