Wednesday, June 18, 2008


i am incredibly smart
some days i will not be able to converse coherently
i love listening to people talk about themselves
today i might be sick of your prattling
i have always had a reasonably healthy diet
the next month could be nothing but pizza and soda
i am trying to watch my mouth
but i might have a Tourettes moment now and then
i am embracing religious views that demand a high moral standard
i will not always be able to adhere to a high moral standard
over two years ago i decided to give up alcohol and drugs
but the rest of the world didn't
i was praised for my abilities as a massage therapist
yet to this day i am afraid to begin a practice
i can speak english
i enjoy teaching
yet i am scared to attempt to teach english
i know all final decisions rest with me and the One within
yet these words are a cry for validation and direction
i can feel the possibilities that exist
they are infinite
and so i continue to stand in their midst
with my eyes tightly shut
some days i will make a difference
and some days i will barely make it
for as long as i can remember i have expected perfection
and for as long as i can remember i have given myself
the perfect excuse.
it's about progress...not perfection.
but i won't make progress if i am not striving for perfection
because i am perfect right now
and tomorrow i will be perfect again
and i will continue to be as perfect as i can be
for the rest of my life
so i never have to chastise myself
for not being perfect


Justin said...

You are a soldier brother. You fight with honor for a goal that cannot be attained. You fight with loyalty for a cause that you can barely fathom, but you fight on with bravery. With a goal of knowing God, holding the banner of the Cause of God, you fight on. With tears streaming down your face, or fake smiles holding back your cries, you fight for life. On the dark battle field of this world, with the enemy within and without, with fake orders coming from all directions, you fight for light and truth. When you listen you will find redemption, and it's evident that you are. You are the perfect soldier in God's army.

"When the swords flash, go forward! When the shafts fly, press onward! O Thou Sacrifice of the worlds." - Baha'u'llah

I miss you brother. - Justin

sonya said...

God my brother is amazing. It makes me cry sometimes how amazing he is....

I could sing your praises forever, and it wouldn't matter until you decide to accept them for yourself. And by then, you will already know that you are perfect and have God within, so it won't matter who says what about you; you yourself will know the truth of your own nobility. Kind of an interesting catch -22 there.

Momtecki said...

Perfection is boring.

greenlizarddesign said...

thanks for bearing your soul...