Pop Song Torture

I only know I love her when I let her go -- and I let her go

Whatever it is its just sitting there laughing at me -- and I just want to scream -- What Now -- I just can't figure it out
I spend every hour just going through the motions I can't even get the emotions to come out Dry as a bone but I just want to shout What Now

All of me loves all of you all your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections give your all to me I'll give my all to you Your my end and my beginning even when I lose I'm winning -- How many times do I have to tell you even when you're crying you're beautiful too

Say something I'm giving up on you And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you Anywhere I would've followed you Say something I'm giving up on you  -- And I will swallow my pride You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye

Kiss me hard before you go Summertime sadness I just wanted you to know Baby you're the best

I've loved and I've lost -- I know you've been hurt by someone else I can tell by the way that you carry yourself

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded That for me it isn't over Never mind I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you two Don't forget me I beg I'll remember you say Sometimes it lasts in love But sometimes it hurts instead

You've been havin real bad dreams You used to lie so close to me There's nothing more than empty sheets between our love -- Just give me a reason just a little bits enough Just a second we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again

Not really sure how to feel about it something in the way you move Makes me feel I can't live without you It takes me all the way I want you to stay

It's like screaming and no one can hear You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing No one will ever understand how much it hurts You feel hopeless like nothing can save you And when its over and its gone you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back so that you could have the good

Goodbye in photographs

I said goodbye to you

Goodbye to each picture

Each moment from the story that we shared

Although we each wrote our own version

Goodbye to you on the beach of Rarotonga at sunset in your blue tee shirt

Goodbye to us standing underneath the lanterns in the square at Chiang Mai

On a beautiful day we climbed One Tree Hill in Auckland

And I remember thinking how beautiful you were as I snapped pictures

In Jordan we journeyed to some city at the top of a mountain to look west towards Jerusalem

(I think it started with a K) and we took pictures on a windy day

You had on your hoodie and I wore the pink sunglasses you got in Thailand

And how blessed I felt as I took a picture of you in Akka from up on the sea wall -- Goodbye

On the boulders at the beach in (Raglan?) you stopped following me as I jumped down lower

And again I found you in your striped hoodie with sunglasses on...

Together we posed at Moeraki Boulders out in the surf and that picture is gone

Like the photo of you singing with Hami and Saia -- I can tell that we are gonna be friends

Kneeling in front of a golden buddha in Chiang Mai

No more will our legs touch like they did

It took forever to burn all of these pictures

And I may have forgotten some because they seemed to never end

And the last picture was us coming out of the restaurant in our wedding clothes

Holding hands and looking young and joyful

Married but an hour or two

Goodbye to that as well

I want to love me

It doesn't feel like I should still be awake at 430 in the morning
i have so much jabber playing through my mind
how does it get to be so overwhelming like this
unending like the waves upon the beach at garapan

it is totally ok that you feel the way that you do
it is ok that you told me about it
some of the things that you said to me were no doubt true
and yet I choose to not have that type of judgment and energy thrust upon me

I am damaged right now, or maybe always
I will mend and that break will be stronger than the surrounding tissues
I will stand and fold and lay and breathe and move through this
and through that and all that comes up
when I try and open a little it feels as if an unending torrent of emotion will burst forth
tears flowing without cessation until my eyes are dry and reddened
all the tissues gone, the pillow case crusty with snot
and the sound of the creek continuous in my ears

I make it about me as best I can because I know its true
yet with the reading of a sentence it suddenly becomes about you
inconsiderate and uncaring I have somehow made you less
out of the tens of friends and family who follow I get to hear only one negative
a reaction so strong it blasts into me as I try to see your side
because you ask me and I would anyway or at least try

My needs are valid
as are yours
it appears they are not compatible
or I am ready to run
maybe just to walk alone
Either way my heart swells and my throat closes and my back aches so badly at the site of my injury at the back of my heart where breath catches and pain arcs through my shoulders
My arm goes numb and my fingers and thumbs crack and peel and bleed
I have made a life of defining myself by you
Not even knowing what it means to love me

Our Indiegogo Campaign for Regear

Emotional Sobriety

This is a talk given by a man who is no longer alive. His name was Tom Brady, Jr., and he identified himself as an alcoholic. Often times at twelve step program conventions there are speakers who tell their life stories, with the purpose of maybe allowing someone else to identify and relate to them.

This talk, although including some details of Mr. Brady's life, is more about something that many people beyond only those who feel they are alcoholics can relate to. He titles it, 'Emotional Sobriety', and it is almost entirely directed at symptoms, behaviors and beliefs that manifested in his life after he quit drinking!

I recommend it as an amazing listen, regardless of your personal inclinations towards addiction--if you have ever felt that you were emotionally out-of-whack, then download this file and listen to Mr. Brady talk to us.

Tom Brady, Jr. on Emotional Sobriety

Seattle Hip Hop

Have you ever been there?

It is beautiful-at least that was my experience-during the Memorial Day weekend I spent there in 2007. I fell in love. The view, the vibe, the layout of the city over gentle hills...wow!

At the time, my friend mentioned a show I had just missed for a group called Common Market. The two members of the group are both Baha'is, and my interest was piqued. Some time later I purchased Tobacco Road, and later their Winter's End EP.

Brasso by Common Market


So if you know anything about Northwest rap, you would assume that I naturally connected the dots and checked out Blue Scholars, a hip hop duo that features one-half of Common Market: Sabzi.

But no. I didn't. Ever. In fact, it took my recent resurgent interest in less 'pop'-ular music, along with these next guys to get me around to Blue Scholars. And my brother. He helped too.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis put out an album. Then they re-released it with remixes and some bonus tracks. Free. I stumbled across the remix of Otherside. Listened to it, liked it, and it got forgotten in the influx of new music I was processing. Another day, I stumbled across another mp3, and this time I saw a picture of the guys. Intriguing. And slightly ridiculous. Also, quite hip. Too hip for me. Seriously, I only wish I could pull off a look like that. Okay, blah blah, get to the point... I loved the Vs. EP. It's a free download here...or you can pick up the re-release, The Vs. Redux at iTunes. Redux includes all the originals plus remixes and a bonus track. It's only $6...support these guys!!! $6 for some dope hip hop?!?! Check out Macklemore's blog for videos for their songs submitted by fans; my favorite is Stay at Home Dad. Ryan Lewis has some other projects going on too - his website is here.

Vipassana by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis


Okay, so I was listening to the above song, and then I was like, "WHOA! Did he just say Baha'u'llah?!" Rewind...yes he did. Check it out for yourself.

Below, Life is Cinema continues a trend that I picked up on in Otherside and Irish Celebration-this dude is recovering. Or recovered. But the song below has a line I wish I had come up with...it just is such an accurate description of the insanity...

Selfish, Selfish, Selfish, Yeah, Me, Yeah, Me, Yeah;
Girlfriend, Break up, New one, One-night stand, Cheat, Cheat, Repeat that;
Drug use, Clean up, Drug use, Drug use, Clean up, Drug use, Rehab;
%$@# you I suck dude, Self loathing, Self esteem, Ego than Me again

Life is Cinema by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis


Their group just dropped a new song this week as well, titled Wings. Go check it out as Macklemore paints a correlation between consumerism and...well, you'll see. Also you can support their efforts to make a video through kickstarter.org and the song is available for download off of Macklemore's blog (link up above somewhere).

Since I am just getting to know Blue Scholars, I won't post anything of theirs yet. Although I did just listen to a song with KRS-One, Talib Kweli and Geologic (the other half of the group) titled 'Oh Really'...

I know there is more SEA hip hop out there...the Grynch popped kept poppin' up, but I haven't listened to him yet. Can't hand it all to you...I leave you with the video for Macklemore's track...White Privilege.

Eric & Magill

I have found a plethora of free music on the internet. It started with the free songs Amazon offered me on their site, and I gradually have expanded my searches. Labels put out entire albums of free material-samplers-to give bands exposure. But a lot of the samplers I downloaded were filled with junk. So I began to believe that ALL free albums were junk.

So when I came across 'All That I Know', I was skeptical. An entire album for free? I listened to the title song, and liked it, but still wasn't sure. But I downloaded it anyhow, planning on listening to it a little later. Fast forward a couple weeks, and their songs started popping up in my iPods shuffled songs. I really dig a couple of these songs-when I am in the mood for some laid back music that is. So give 'em a listen.

Grandpa's Pink Wine by Eric & Magill



You can download their entire album here at their bandcamp site. (Ryan...bandcamp is another awesome site you are going to love!)